Empathy

Feelings of inadequacy, enfolding my faith in a blanket of doubt. I don’t feel like I am meant for here. I come crawling to my king crying for a caring caress, craving that calm cool collected emotional state I started with. I feel as though I am a failure, not worthy to pursue the potentials of this place. I sit staring at the screen, the words that should be forming behind my face failing to flow forth from my mind to my hands onto this page. Blank white stares back as deadlines dash towards me, dealing out deathly destruction to my already destroyed sense of belonging. I quench the Spirit which indwells me with harsh words spoken towards myself, denying myself any sense of comfort. “I can’t do this!” I cry, as tears roll down my face. I hate myself, which only fuels the feelings of defeat. I want to go back to when it was simple. Life was about getting high, having fun and feeding my face with all the hedonistic pleasures of pagan practitioners. You came, you rescued me, yet here I sit, feeling stranded, strained and stressed. Why am I even here? Why did I sign up for this? the feelings of security, feelings of knowing your plan for me faded like a good dream drifting away as I arise to face my dreary day. I can’t stand this feeling, yet onward I press. O LORD, set me free from feelings of failure. Show me how much you care, that I may be invigorated once again. Show me just enough of your plan that I can take that next step of faith, walking this weary way once more. Bring into my life strong believers who may fuel my faith, encourage me, rebuke me when I am wrong, and bless me in times of trial. O LORD, help me see, help me be me, that I may serve you with all my heart, head and hands, serving you with the whole me. I love you LORD, and even though I doubt, even though I despair, you are still with me, you are still my King. Strengthen me to be all that you created me to be.